Don’t try to defend it. It deserves this. All of its waving and screaming and nagging and gossiping and babbling was getting way out of line. The Internet has been sent to detention, and it will be there till Thursday.
In the meantime, I will be at a hot springs campground, resting in an establishment that openly discriminates against the Internet. It is not allowed to follow me there. I will be safe.
Don’t worry — the Internet and I are still in love. No, really. That’s not changing.
But sometimes even the most passionate lovers need space from one another. And the Internet is one of those folks who tends to get particularly clingy — to the point where it may require a crowbar to escape from it. You’re close to it, too. You understand.
It’s all for the best.
Will you feed it for me while I’m gone?
kthxbai.
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