Why I Write About My Life On the Internet
Heads up, this content is 16 years old. Please keep its age in mind while reading.

There’s a sour taste floating around in the mouths of personal bloggers right now because of a recent article in the New York Times. I don’t want to add to the negative criticism of the article; I want to join the positive backlash. I want to tell you why I write about my life on the Internet.

Last week something kind of amazing happened. I put out a casual request for people who have a certain kind of personality and lifestyle to poke me and say hi, and 46 people responded over the course of two days. It sparked a bunch of conversations about language and identity, and pulled some people together in a way that none of us expected. Even more surprising were the private conversations I had with people who wanted to raise their hands, but didn’t want other people to know about it. There were a lot of these, and they completely floored me.

I write about my life on the Internet because it creates a space for these connections. What else could make a complete stranger feel safe emailing me to say, “I’m queer, and I can’t tell anyone, but I wanted to tell you“?

I’ve been writing about my life on the Internet for about nine years now. I’ve learned by trial-and-error what works and what doesn’t, and I manage my presence in a way that nourishes me. Sometimes I make mistakes and have to face negative consequences, but they’ve never come anywhere close to outweighing the benefits.

In January, I bought a car almost entirely on advice from my online social networks, which I got in response to my blog posts about how confused I was. Someone even found my dream car for me online and sent me the link. Someone else saw that I couldn’t get to the dealership and offered to drive me. Some of these people (like the guy who gave me a ride) are meatspace friends, while others (like the guy who sent me the link) are people I only know online — I met them by blogging. (And by the way, the car is still perfect.)

I write about my life on the Internet because it changes the way I connect with my own experiences. In order to write down a story, I have to sort through all of the details and focus on the ones that made it significant for me. I believe our stories shape us — the way we remember something affects who we are and how we relate to the world. Writing things down empowers me to consciously decide how I want to remember something, and to me, that’s an act of personal revolution. Then, when details get echoed back to me in someone else’s words — either through a comment or another blog post — my way of seeing things gets a little big stronger, and my voice gets a little bit more steady.

I also write about my life on the Internet because I like to spend time alone. I can spend entire days in physical solitude — writing or working or scheming or exploring — and the Internet gives me a way to stay accountable and honest without breaking the creativity spell. It’s a kind of safety net — if I stopped writing for a day or two and didn’t tell anyone where I was, people would start looking for me (I know this because it’s happened). It’s also a sanity check — I can’t escape too far off into my own little world because I’m still bouncing my thoughts off a network of real people. When I start talking crazy talk, people tell me. (And they seem to love that part of their job, too…)

I’ve worked through some very hard stuff through blogging, and I’ve made some powerful connections in the process. People have thanked me for telling stories that opened doors in their own lives that they didn’t know they were missing out on. Other bloggers have done the same for me.

I believe in telling stories, I believe we’re more powerful when we’re connected, and I believe in telling fear to f*ck off.

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4 Responses to “Why I Write About My Life On the Internet”

  1. Koan Says:


    Which is a bit rich, I suppose, coming from someone who no longer blogs publicly, but that’s life’s rich pageant. I don’t regret having done it, even if I no longer want to do it.

  2. HeatherLyn Says:

    I like writing about myself on the internet, as well. For me, blogging is a good compromise between private diarying and standing on a streetcorner and shouting to the world at large.

    Over the years I’ve been blogging and participating on message boards, I’ve developed a great network of smart, funny, wise people whose words I love reading, and who read my words and engage in dialog with me. It’s helped me see new perspectives on my life, helped me expand out of my tiny social meatspace bubble, and also given me great insight into the lives of others and the human experience in general.

    These days, most of my blogs are friends-only due to some issues with a stalkery ex-boyfriend. I do hope to get back to a space where I can have a more public web presence without worrying that the information there will be used against me. It’s a fine line sometimes between sharing personal information openly, and giving anyone who chooses to come by too MUCH access to your life.

  3. Roger Says:

    I’m into old fashioned social networking. I had lunch with a friend to whom I’d sent a link to your blog. I’ve been so crazy busy lately that I hadn’t checked your blog in ages – much less added to my own.
    My friend and I were talking about blogging and she went on about how she loved the blog about how you bought a new car. I admit that I pretended to know what she was talking about, but came back and read it for myself. I’m going to do that the next time I buy a car.
    Just wanted you to know that you are sometimes discussed in the social network that takes place face-to-face.

  4. Winding Machine · Says:

    my dream car is a Ferarri, Ferarris are the best cars in the world .